“My soul takes pleasure in three things, and they are beautiful in the sight of the Lord and of men; agreement between brothers, friendship between neighbors, and a wife and a husband who live in harmony.”
Sirach
Among these three beautiful things, the third perhaps stands out as most notable and worthy of honor and remembrance: when a wife and husband live in harmony.
But what exactly is living in harmony? Surely there are degrees, and there can still be real harmony even in a relationship regularly dogged by misunderstanding and dissension.
It’s not uncommon that young newlyweds resolve to have a better marriage than those they have seen up close. And perhaps this is fitting. Yet often a husband and wife, sometimes sooner and sometimes later, come to a more nuanced view of the complexities and challenges of marriage. They learn that even good intentions and hard work are not in themselves a promise of living without strife, disappointment, and failure. They come to new insight into the couples they have known, and perhaps they find it easier to appreciate—and honor—those couples for what they did achieve, even amid their shortcomings.
Yes, clearly there is something especially ‘pleasing’ and ‘beautiful’ about a deeper harmony that married couples might attain. May more couples discover it and live it! But even those that don’t stand out as living in such harmony still may have attained something pleasing and beautiful. Indeed, this might even be said of those that exhibit notable and ugly failings.
Wedding anniversaries are like birthdays. The day is an opportunity to notice, remember, and reaffirm in a special way what is the case every day. On a birthday we rejoice and give thanks for the very existence of this person. On a wedding anniversary we rejoice and give thanks for the existence of this marriage, this shared life, and whatever good is in it and has been born from it. On that day we recollect ourselves and cultivate a spirit of gratitude, as well as a willingness to keep striving. And indeed, are not such a spirit and willingness, which can re-animate every day of marriage, already in themselves a powerful and beautiful harmony between husband and wife?
There is a deep inner connection between birthdays and wedding anniversaries. They go together; and to celebrate them well takes us to the very center of existence and life.
This New Year’s Day is my wife’s and my twenty-fifth anniversary. For all that our life together has been, is, and ever will be, I raise my voice in deep gratitude to God, and to all who have been a part of it, great or small, most especially my dear wife.
Photo: The beginning of a household, a quarter century ago.
Husband, father, and professor of Philosophy. LifeCraft springs from one conviction: there is an ancient wisdom about how to live the good life in our homes, with our families; and it is worth our time to hearken to it. Let’s rediscover it together. Learn more.
Just having returned fro a beautiful winter day hiking in the Blue Ridge With a beloved spouse of 47 years, and reflecting on Gods mercy and goodness toward us throughout our lives, this column particularly spoke to me. Thank you.
I’m so glad, Mary B. Congratulations on your 47 years!
Deepest congratulations to you and Sophia. So strong is the ripple effect of that fruitful marriage, that we experience the faithfulness here in the nation’s capital! Cheers!
Thank you very much, Mary. Very best wishes to you in the New Year.
A blessed anniversary to you and Sophia!
Thank you, Angela!
If more folk even KNEW the purpose of marriage, and practiced THAT, there would BE harmonious marriage…
Love is humility in action, putting what is best for the spouse ahead of all personal wants and needs, with both spouses knowing that knowing, loving, and serving God leading to the greatest good, their eternal salvation.
Both spouses working for the salvation of the other, and the fruit of their total self surrender in the search for God being new life mirroring love between Father and Son eternally begetting love personified, the Holy Spirit..
And them both together raising these children to be saints and them all together a household of saints…
Anything past that is superfluous and generally destructive….focus on money, jobs, careers, accrual of material goods, and a life of pleasure seeking, in short…
When this world is nothing but a brief school where only one lesson learned and required for successful graduation, which is to return the total love of God and be safe in eternity in that shared love of two lovers, as God possesses all eternity and will freely share even that, as lovers ALWAYS give totally to one another…
the lesson marriage also meant to impart…
Thank you, Bob. I really appreciate your point that knowing the true nature of marriage is at the heart of a marriage being harmonious.