How we remember the dead is significant in how we live. Good ‘remembering’ in general is part of how we live in the present. This is very human, for to be in time is to be on the boundary of the eternal, where past, present and future are as one.
The Byzantine tradition prays for the deceased ‘may their memory be eternal.’ This fascinating prayer intends something for both the deceased and those praying. May the dead live in heaven and in memory; and may our memory itself be alive with the presence of the dead.
There is much to consider—and to pray for—that our memory of the deceased be what it should be. Our memory should not be self-pitying or indulging in what we have lost. As usual, we are called to look outward and think of others. Gratitude should be thematic; and gratitude is always first about others. When we remember our deceased with true gratitude, it includes a wish and prayer for their fullness of life, right now. And while cognizant of separation, this remembering has as root the faith that our lives are still interwoven today, and can be much more so. One great day.
Today is one year since the passing of my father-in-law. I want today to pray this prayer and to live this prayer better. Vichnaya pamyat. May his memory be eternal. Last year I shared some of Damian’s story, and of how in his final days his thoughts went back to Ukraine, his native land, his home land.
I share now a traditional Ukrainian song we sang at his burial. This song is often sung when a Ukrainian emigrant is buried in a foreign land. The crane is a very large migratory bird, known for returning to the same place, or home, year after year. But of course dangers and vicissitudes of life can make it impossible for the birds to make it back home.
Emigrants too that have flown across the sea often never make it back to their beloved home-land.
Perhaps herein is something that applies to all of us. We all want in the end to be at home. But to what extent are we able really to be at home in this life? How do we learn what a home is? What in the end is our home, and what does it take to get there and to stay there? These are very real questions with which we must reckon, especially when we gather to bury someone. And also when we simply remember.
Here is a video of singing The Cranes at Damian’s burial:
The Cranes ( My brother, do you hear,)
My brother, do you hear,
O my dear, comrade,
Fly’in away there, in a grey line,
Are the cranes, for winter.
Crying: kroo-kroo-koo,
In a foreign land I’ll die,
By the time I fly across the sea,
I’ll wear away, my wings,
I’ll wear away, my wings,
Glim’rin in our eyes
Is their endless flight,
Perish, perish, in the dark mist
All traces, of the cranes.
Crying: kroo-kroo-kroo,
In a foreign land I’ll die,
By the time I cross the sea,
I’ll wear, away my wings,
I’ll wear away, my wings,
kroo-kroo-kroo…
Thank you to Jacob Schmiedicke of Story Quest Video for putting together this video.
Husband, father, and professor of Philosophy. LifeCraft springs from one conviction: there is an ancient wisdom about how to live the good life in our homes, with our families; and it is worth our time to hearken to it. Let’s rediscover it together. Learn more.
Welcomed this today as polestar for reflection
What a beautiful send off. I felt the love you all had for this man. He built a beautiful legacy. May God bless you all.
Prayers for Damian. Honoring the deceased can be done in numerous ways. One of the indicators of community pride can be learned simply by visiting the local cemetery at a time other than memorial weekend. A cemetery that is well maintained year ‘round illustrates a community that honors the deceased. About 8 miles southeast of town we have a small cemetery that contains former residents of the county Poor Farm >100 years ago. It was neglected and overgrown. I started taking care of it and mow it appropriately every 3 weeks. A small plot that only has 35 monuments of individuals long forgotten, they deserve the same degree of respect as our own friends and relatives in the larger cemeteries. If any of you know of a neglected, abandoned cemetery in your area I would implore you to take it upon yourself to begin caring for it. The time and effort you spend on it will be richly rewarded in the satisfaction of doing the right thing!
Thank you for sharing this . The video was very moving.
Dr. Cuddeback,
Eternal rest grant unto your father-in-law.
The opening of your reflection strikes me as we say things but might not delve into the meaning the words convey:
“This is very human, for to be in time is to be on the boundary of the eternal, where past, present and future are as one.”
I don’t think that can be possible for us or angels in Heaven. We would have to consider the implications of seeing the future and I just don’t think we will have that need-to-know. I imagine that as long as creation exists, then time will exist. It seems to me that Saints and Angels coming to the aid of pilgrim souls will unfold concurrent as the revelation of time develops for the created world. Foreknowledge could create anxiety of apprehension in waiting or trivialization of the solution just waiting for the inevitable to arrive. Only God is Eternal. I believe we won’t be burdened with the passage of time but I can’t see how, in Heaven, we could get ahead of the plodding of time on Earth. Time must progress gradually for the physical body to allow for free will choices and consequences to become evident.
The Cranes (My brothers, do you hear?): such a beautiful song of heartfelt longing, to go home. Thank you for the the video of the family’s gathering at Damian’s funeral. God bless you all!
[S]orrow is but the guest of a night, and joy comes in the morning.
Ps 30:6b
August 22 will be one year since my dad died. I still see him in my dreams on a regular basis.
Oh my goodness, you resemble that photo of your father-in-law very much, in my opinion! What a beautiful custom and tribute! I lost my mother in 2021. She was born, lived her entire life, and died in her home, in the same town. May all of our deceased parents and parents-in-law rest in the peace of Christ.
Amen!
as a Greek Orthodox Christian, I am very grateful that you shared today the tradition of the Byzantines…. your work is very very good…thank you for offering from your own talents to help so many in need of such guidance …..
Thank you, Nikki.
CONTINUE YOUR GOOD WORD ON Nature, A THIS MAY RESULT IN MORE RESPECT TOWards nature and avoid exploitation of FERTILE LAND AREAS.,
Thanks, Charles.