“This destroyed household that now stands between the sexes is a wound that is suffered inescapably by both men and women.” My eyes were opened when I read these words of Wendell Berry. My wife’s suffering in a home arrangement that has shown itself more and more to be unnatural is in fact also very much my problem; indeed, a problem for our marriage.
There is something unnatural about the home that is consumptive and non-productive, and that is left almost exclusively in the care of a housewife while her husband works somewhere else (indeed, even if ‘remotely’ from home). The most obvious casualty in this form of home has been and is the wife, often overwhelmed and isolated while also stripped of many of the richer aspects of her work in the home.
Berry writes, “Thus housewifery, once a complex discipline acknowledged to be one of the bases of culture and economy, was reduced to the exercise of purchasing power.” There was and is of course still much ‘housework’ to be done, but it tends to be stripped of its more artful aspects, as seen for instance in how ‘convenience’ tends to replace the traditional standard of ‘thrift,’ which latter was “a complex standard, requiring skill, intelligence, and moral character.”
But “degenerate housewifery is indivisible from degenerate husbandry.” And Berry goes further, with this arresting assertion:
If we removed the status and compensation from the destructive exploits we classify as ‘manly,’ men would be found to be suffering as much as women… they [too] are in exile from the communion of men and women, which is their deepest connection with the communion of all creatures.
And what is that communion of men and women from which most of us in various degrees are in exile? It is marriage and the household in which husbandry and housewifery too are married.
In the end this about much more than any particular manifestations of ‘husbandry’ or ‘housewifery’—though of course these must be incarnated in specific ways. This is about recognizing the naturalness and thus a certain necessity of crafting life together through a cluster of embodied arts that fulfill us and bind us together, and so can help make our homes what we so want them to be.
Rediscovered husbandry and housewifery will surely look different both from what most of us have seen and from what it looked like in the past. Yet we will need to learn from the past and from the demands and limits of our contemporary situation.
Here we touch on primordial realities concerning essential features of any human life—and for this reason we should feel an urgency, and also have confidence that what is natural can always be rediscovered, and enacted in any time and place. Especially by the aid of grace. ~ ~ ~
TWO RESOURCES ON THIS FRONT: Announcing LIFECRAFT DAY AT THE BARN: Husbandry and Wifery: Reclaiming the Practical Arts for a Flourishing Household. LIVE IN PERSON at the Barn. INFO & REGISTER HERE. Saturday June 29.
NEW PODCAST EPISODE TODAY: THE FAMILY PIG: ITS PLACE IN OUR HOME Join Sofia and me as we share how raising and harvesting pigs has changed our home, and how such work can change any home. Listen to this and our other episodes wherever you get your podcasts, or at Youtube.
Husband, father, and professor of Philosophy. LifeCraft springs from one conviction: there is an ancient wisdom about how to live the good life in our homes, with our families; and it is worth our time to hearken to it. Let’s rediscover it together. Learn more.
I love this! Last weekend I was working on a sewing project, dashing back and forth between the dye pot and the quotidian but equally important tasks of keeping little ones fed and out of (too much) danger! Meanwhile, my husband was out back sanding down and refinishing a table. We were both working in our own ways to care for our home and it just felt so convivial.
Sounds wonderful, Amy. Thanks for sharing this!
Thank you for sharing encouraging thoughts about the Home🌻
You’re welcome! We all can encourage one another!
I look back directly only as far as I am able, which is two generations: my parents and my grandparents, although there were obvious clues that the parents of my grandparents led lives no differently as well. So I will go out on what appears to be a sturdy limb and suggest that the lives of their predecessors represented all that had always been. And it was that way because it made sense logistically and practically. The husband worked outside the home and the wife worked in and for the home. There were no philosophical wonderings or questioning of why such roles existed or were they fair or not.
What resulted was peace. And something else. The home was always the mother’s or wife’s. While of course the husband’s craft was to keep the house sturdy and in good shape, it was as if he insured that the substrate of the house, or its very foundation, was there in good shape for the work of the woman of the house. He took care of the house while she took care of the home.
And pride resulted from those roles. It may very well be that we have confused everyone these past now going on three modern generations where no one is quite sure what their roles should be. Modern society seems awfully messed up in that regard.
I very much appreciate your thoughts here, Bob, with which I am in great sympathy. I suppose my comment would be that when you say “The home was always the mother’s or wife’s,” I find myself thinking that I would say, “The home got its primary stamp from the wife/mother, as it was her genius that was the creative heart and spirit within it. At the same time, the husband/father was very present here too lending his own insight, support, and assistance.” Perhaps you would see this as compatible with you thoughts.
I totally agree with what you write and a home without a husband and/or father is not what it should or could be. All of what you write in terms of what a husband/father contributes is spot on and in that sense it is a team effort. I was however trying to convey that while a home needs the husband’s contribution as you describe, the home is ultimately identified as a creation of the woman/wife in so many ways. My lament is that it seems that sense has somehow become lost in our age where the roles of husband/wife/father/mother have become muddled.
So much changed post-WWII with the epic growth of suburbia, processed foods, and the invention of so many „conveniences.“. And not always for the better.
I keep running into Wendell Berry’s name and quotes from his writings. Where are the quotes in your article above?
They are from the book The Unsettling of America, in the chapter called ‘The Body and the Earth.’ That chapter is a masterpiece in my estimation.
Excellent reflection! Thank you! Wendell Berry hit upon similar thoughts in his essay, “Feminism, the Body, and the Machine.” Modern society as is, has painted a vastly different and terrible vision of what family ought to look like and how it should function. Blurring the lines between male and female has only exacerbated the true nature and beauty of both. God bless!
Thank you, Jason. That is my other favorite Berry essay; I completely agree!
I recommend the works of the housewife poet Phyllis McGinley who won the Pulitzer prize in 1961. Her book ‘Sixpence in Her Shoe’ was a response to the second wave feminism that threatened family life in her day. She was a lifelong Catholic and took no prisoners.
Francis, Thanks so much for mentioning Phyllis McGinley. Believe it or not, that is one of my wife Sofia’s favorites that she has on her list at Sofia’s Corner.
We have always had beautiful music playing in the background; indeed, not in the background necessarily! Certain pieces of Vivaldi, Beethoven, Bach had to be danced to!
Had to be danced to, indeed! I agree!
Thanks. I struggle with the pointlessness and absurdity of my corporate job every day. Obviously I need the money for my big family, otherwise I wouldn’t do it. But it’s intrinsically absurd and meaningless: all the reward is extrinsic. It feels like completely the wrong way to live. I’m still not sure of the answer, and if I think about it too hard I get pretty depressed. I know many husbands feel the same way.
I very much understand where you are. But if I may offer a word of encouragement: a dreary job might just be what is necessary to free you to focus on recovering the joys of good work in the home. Yes, perhaps you will discover a better way to support the family. But if not, there is much room for renewal and strengthening of home-life by cultivating the arts of husbandry in ‘off’ time. You might find our Man of the Household course just the encouragement you need, by the way.
I think about this often ! It’s as if all the best parts of being a housewife were stolen and we were left with frozen dinners and canned food … and we can lump into this childbirth which was also overtaken by convenience and we are left with little effort and the only thing to overcome- the emptiness of having a baby unceremoniously removed from our body in a mostly undignified way without even a seeming reason for the indignity, as they say no pain no gain …and this is a pet peeve of mine but
I think we are regaining our roles and our dignity and the art of all things home ! Many young couples are seeking earthier more creation oriented
Ways of being and as Benedict 16 writes in multiple homilies and letters grace cannot take place without a foundation in creation …. Im not sure where constant convenience fits into creation as the saying goes we were not made for comfort …..and there is glory in the difficulties of true homemaking !
Thank you Teresa for your reflections here. I completely agree that there is great hope in how more and more young people want to recover what has been lost.
I just added The Unsettling of America to my Audible bookliest. Have you ever thought of creating a list of books available in audio that you recommend? Folks like me who are often too busy to read but happy to listen would benefit a great deal!
Thanks Leo! I will take that to heart and will plan to do it.
This unlocked something for me! I’ve been feeling for a while that women’s care of the home is not the whole picture. The word “husbandry” really hit it home for me. Both husband and wife should center around the home and care for it. Both should participate in the crafting of a home together.
Thanks, Kristen. I completely agree that these two terms really do help us refocus along the lines you mention.