People say that Tom Vander Woude was an ordinary man, and there is undoubtedly some truth in this statement. Yet, he died an extraordinary death. Reflecting on his life and death gives occasion for us to ask to ask whether the life of a husband and father is ever ordinary.

If you do not know Tom’s story, it is worth getting to know. I return to it again and again. You can listen to it in the words of his son in this podcast I just did with him; you can also read about it here. In short, when on September 8, 2008 Tom’s youngest son Josie, who has Down’s syndrome and was twenty years old at the time, fell into the farmhouse’s septic tank, Tom jumped in and succeeded in saving him. Tom, however, did not survive.

Tom’s unforgettable last words capture both the heart of this amazing story and the heart of the man who uttered them. “You pull, and I’ll push.” Thus Tom directed the man above the tank, so that together they would keep Josie from sinking to his death. Tom’s heroic effort would be just enough.

At the wake Tom’s wife Mary Ellen would truthfully say of her husband, “He died with his boots on.”

It is an amazing feature of human life that ordinary dispositions sometimes require an extra-ordinary expression. This is often the reality behind particular acts that we honor as heroic. Yes, it is possible that a heroic act will be something of an exception or ‘one off’—and this itself has a special beauty and is worthy of honor. But there is a deeper and more beautiful reality when a long-cultivated virtuous disposition comes to the fore. It is as though a sublime hidden gem finally catches a ray of the sun. Or, the energy that normally gives a powerful yet steady animation all at once flashes like a bolt.

And then we can all look on. And wonder.

On that deceptively ordinary late summer day, the fatherhood of one man was somehow concentrated into a few moments. And a few words. “You pull, and I’ll push.” Nothing fancy. Something needs doing. Right now. It’s time for action. A simple manly approach: here’s what I need you to do; here’s what I’m going to do. Let’s do this together; unto life; no matter the cost. We’re not going to look back. We’re not going to look at ourselves as we do it. It’s all about the person who needs us to do this and to do it now.

Anyone who knows Tom knows he would have done it for anybody. Fatherhood is a mysteriously broad and generous thing. But it was his privilege to do it for his own son.

The life and death of Tom Vander Woude can be a profound gift to all of us by bringing to light something that needs seeing. Human life comes, as it were, in a couple of ordinary forms, one of which is that of a man, who is called to fatherhood. The full flowering of manhood is always in some kind of fatherhood. A father who is a man who loves and so serves, and gives everything—at least he tries too—every day. Some days it becomes more obvious. Sometimes it comes down to one day.

But it’s never most about what happens on that day or any particular day. It’s about an amazing reality that consists in interior dispositions that take many concrete expressions. This reality of true manhood grows and comes to fruition over many days—regardless of whether any one of them ever captures special attention. Yet we rejoice that in God’s Providence sometimes who a man is shines forth for all to see, in certain men.

What we call ‘the last words’ of a person are the last words heard by others. We cannot know for sure the last words in the heart and mind of Tom Vander Woude, or what he might have spoken to his own Father in heaven before the end. But if those last words heard by others on earth were indeed his last words, then I think they must have sounded sweet in the Divine Father’s ears. And they stand as a fitting and powerful reminder of the extraordinary, astounding beauty of the ordinary life of being a father. You pull, and I’ll push. ~ ~ ~

PODCAST: TOM VANDER WOUDE: THE MAN WHO GAVE HIS LIFE FOR HIS SON.
The diocese of Arlington is pursuing introducing Tom’s cause for canonization, and his son Chris is spreading his amazing story. You will be deeply moved by this account of a man’s death and life as told by his son. Here is an inspiring yet down-to-earth example of a true man of the household for our times.

Announcing LIFECRAFT DAY at the BARN! ‘Doing Music and Dance Right in Our Homes and Communities.’ Come and get a whole new perspective on music in the home, dancing at weddings, schools, and youth groups, and more! Information and Registration HERE.

Photo: Tom Vander Woude, courtesy of Christendom College.

John Cuddeback

Husband, father, and professor of Philosophy. LifeCraft springs from one conviction: there is an ancient wisdom about how to live the good life in our homes, with our families; and it is worth our time to hearken to it. Let’s rediscover it together. Learn more.