The crisis of responsibility, which is obvious to anyone today, first took root in our homes. We should then address it in our home life. For, of course, home is the ‘home’ of responsibility.

There is no context that so clearly demands taking responsibility for others than marriage and family. And a person learns to be responsible if others take responsibility for him, beginning in these basic relationships of human life. This key point is closely related to another: I learn to love through others loving me.

Now taking responsibility for people is the primary daily expression of love. A spouse experiences that he is loved especially in how the other prioritizes caring for him, day in and day out. Children are even more dependent on their parents than spouses are on one another. It will be very difficult for a child to learn responsibility if those who are directly responsible for him do not fulfill that responsibility. We might picture an unspoken and even unconscious line of thinking in a child: why should I be responsible for others if others have not taken responsibility for me?

This gives us yet another angle into the centrality of a rich home life. Spouses living out their responsibility to one another provides the context for them to be responsible also toward their children. Further, such a home life provides many opportunities then to invite the children to begin to exercise their own responsibility—toward those that they love.

One of my favorite exchanges in an ancient Greek text is reported by a husband in Xenophon’s Estate Manager:

My wife replied: ‘…my mother told me that my job was to be responsible.’
‘Yes, my dear, of course,’ I said. ‘My father gave me the same advice.’

So here we have parents encapsulating what they want to teach their children in this one admonition: be responsible. We do well to consider how all-encompassing this is.
Home is the home of responsibility—of doing it and forming others in it—because of the wonderful nature of marriage, parenting, and household. A society’s practice of responsibility is in direct proportion to its right practice of marriage and parenting, and the richness of life in the household.

While this grounds deep concern for a sense of responsibility in our broader society, it also gives helpful and hopeful direction for us in our own homes. We can begin with a little self-examination. If I am married, do I act like my primary, daily responsibility is to craft well our shared life (each spouse according as husband or wife)? If I am a parent (and this includes grandparents, who of course are still parents) do I really focus first on crafting family life and all other things (e.g., especially profession) in relation to it? Do I actively arrange opportunities to invite the young to take responsibility themselves?

And—this too is very important—if I am unmarried, premarried, or postmarried, do I discern what people I am responsible for and make that a central focus? All of us—even for instance young adults in college—are fundamentally responsible for and to others, and never just ourselves.

Again, discovering how to act responsibly is the path to discovering our own identity and to helping others discover theirs. But perhaps that is a bit too heady. Let us conclude with a simple expresion of gratitude for those who have taken responsibility for us, starting in our homes. And let us rejoice that our acting responsibly in the simple yet real demands of every day life can be shot through with so very much richness. ~ ~ ~

LATEST PODCAST ADDRESSING THE CRISIS OF RESPONSIBILITY. The loss of responsibility is not random. Knowing its causes can go a long way in improving our own life and giving direction for forming our youth for true success. Join Sofia and me in digging into how to cultivate a sense of responsibility. Enjoy and share our other podcasts HERE.

COME to our LIFECRAFT DANCE Saturday October 25 in our barn! A joyful experience open to ALL aged 17 and above. INFORMATION HERE.

John Cuddeback

Husband, father, and professor of Philosophy. LifeCraft springs from one conviction: there is an ancient wisdom about how to live the good life in our homes, with our families; and it is worth our time to hearken to it. Let’s rediscover it together. Learn more.