There are a number of lines that I repeat often to my students as capturing root truths. One of them is this: always be attentive to what you can call ‘mine,’ or not. At the heart of reality is the truth that much can become ‘mine’ that was not originally mine.
This connects to my favorite theme in the Gospel of St. John: speaking and hearing. Our Lord says that he speaks from what he has heard from his Father: “the things that I have heard from him are the same that I speak to the world.” (Jn 8:26) If the Lord speaks from what he has heard, how much more should it be so with us. Thomas Aquinas emphasizes that our learning comes from hearing. Hearing is how we learn, or receive insights, from other persons.
So in hearing, something can become mine that was not originally mine. It becomes mine by my receiving it. It becomes mine as a gift.
I want to suggest that this simple but profound point should mark how we speak. In other words, in how we speak it should be obvious that what we speak we have received from another.
Just how this plays out is not obvious, and so it calls for reflection. It seems to me the key starting point is to realize that all I have and know are gifts. Now the most important things in our store of knowledge have come by hearing. We hold and indeed see many things to be true precisely because of words spoken to us. Life is good; we are loved; we have reason for hope; God became man, and he knows our hearts and hears our prayers; and countless other specific truths: all these have come to us by hearing.
So how might this form how I speak to others? Well, I think if we really recognize that we speak from hearing then it will be palpable when we speak. Our hearers will ‘feel’ this disposition in our souls; they will feel in my speaking that I am passing something on to them, with gratitude and reverence. Gratitude: that I have been the beneficiary of such amazing things. Reverence: for the lips that have spoken such things to me, and for the eyes that have seen the things being spoken of.
And gratitude: that the things I speak are actually true (stand in awe!). Reverence: for the sublimity of the reality of which I speak, the splendor of which I will never succeed in capturing fully.
And gratitude: that I, unworthy as I am, can speak such things to you, and be a real instrument of these things becoming ‘yours!’ Reverence: for such an astounding order of things—itself an incomparable gift—that we are invited into the giving and receiving that bind us together with the deepest of ties.
All of this is in play in the many conversations in which we engage throughout our day. And of course it is especially so in our conversations in the home, or with our loved ones, friends, students, mentees, etc.
It is no wonder that Aquinas writes that “hearing is the way to life.” (Comm on St. John, ch. 5, #780) And of course then, speaking from our hearing is likewise the way to life—for others, and for ourselves.
Possessive pronouns (mine, yours, ours) take us to the heart of life because they reveal that life is all about relationship, mutual belonging, and gift. In your speaking to me and my hearing you something becomes mine that before was yours and not yet mine. But now it is mine too. And so ours. And to remember that it was originally not-mine is to enter into a wonderful truth: what I have heard will always be both given and mine, binding us together. ~ ~ ~
ANNOUNCING THIS SUMMER’S LIFECRAFT DAY. Making Home a Place to Start and End Life. This year it’s in TOWN. All information and Registration HERE.
NEW PODCAST LEISURE: The 5 Action Steps. Last podcast gave the principles, now the action steps. These five concrete steps are golden keys for crafting the good life in our homes. John and Sofia go in depth about this list from chapter four of John’s new book The Intentional Household, making clear how true leisure is very much in our reach. Find and share all our podcasts HERE.
Husband, father, and professor of Philosophy. LifeCraft springs from one conviction: there is an ancient wisdom about how to live the good life in our homes, with our families; and it is worth our time to hearken to it. Let’s rediscover it together. Learn more.
Thanks
Very welcome.
All true and yet the predominant reaction is that we really don’t listen as if being given a gift as you describe. More often than not we are champing at the bit ready to respond to what we are hearing instead of contemplating a little deeper what one is hearing. This is perhaps all perfectly normal and even appropriate in so many of our conversations especially about things mundane. But the habit of doing this can in fact interfere with true assimilation and learning when the subject matter is deeper. Not an easy habit to remain aware that one is doing and even more difficult to break.
So true, Bob! That corresponds very much to my experience. That is why as I see the wise adverting to this point, it moves me to write about it–so that I can try to keep it in mind! Thanks.
This is such a good article that I’ve read it multiple times. Among other things, it sets forth the importance of personal communication, the oral tradition, which has been somewhat shelved in the digital age. It brings back memories of Sunday dinners, in particular, and extended family dinners as well, when my brother and I heard the “wisdom of the ages.”
Once again, just to hear of such Sunday dinners is moving. We must pass on such practices. It is in our power, and the fruits will be amazing. Thanks, Bob. You and your brother have much for which to be grateful.