A simple online search of ‘self-care’ gives evidence that many today realize two key truths: first, taking proper care of oneself is essential to a good life, and second, such care cannot be taken for granted—or put otherwise, many of us need coaching and coaxing to do it well. Further, in this field there are helpful insights and tips, including advice in avoiding common hindrances or pitfalls to good self-care.
But the astute observer needs to be discerning. For as in any area of how-to-do-human-life, there are always deeper principles in play: principles that are not obvious yet nevertheless make a real difference. Someone proposing an approach to ‘self-care’ might refer to the importance, for instance, of balancing physical and mental well-being. This of course is a great point. But how is this done? What do we mean by ‘mental’ anyway? Is this a balance between two equal parts? And in the end, what is the motivation or point of doing this self-care anyway?
A key human ability is to learn from diverse sources, to gather truth from wherever it might be found. But we must also realize, especially today, that sometimes half or partial truths might do more harm than good. This is a subtle yet crucial point. To put it differently, real insights are often coupled with problematic principles in such fashion as to lead to confusion or even undermine the practical prescriptions or system in question.
The primacy of the ‘end’ in practical matters helps clarify this point. To stay with our example, we should ask what is the ultimate end or goal of self-care? Or, what ultimately does successful self-care really achieve, and why is that so important? Where a person stands regarding the ‘end’ of self-care makes a great difference in his articulation of how to do it—not to mention why to do it at all.
In short, I am suggesting that while we surely can glean a number of helpful things from the plethora of self-care gurus and systems, we should be intentional in taking a deeper, principled approach. Such an approach will at once make us more discerning about what constitutes the best self-care and also provide higher motivation to do it all. Here are two quick examples of principles (both from Thomas Aquinas) and how they make a difference.
Principle #1: True self-love means loving God first.
Surely, self-care is in some way an exercise of self-love, and so true self-care will be an exercise of true self-love. If true self-love means loving God first, then at the very center of self-care is prioritizing the spiritual life. This means not only that we prioritize daily spiritual practices but also that all other forms of self-care are judged in reference to how they enhance my relationship with God.
Principle #2: The love with which a man loves himself is the form and root of friendship. (This is actually a direct quotation from Thomas Aquinas, referencing Aristotle.)
Much here to ponder. How I love myself and act toward myself is the foundation for how I love and act toward others—beginning with those closest to me, my ‘friends!’ Immediately this lends urgency to our self-care, that it be intentional, prudent, and fruitful; and this especially in view of learning to love better our loved ones. One simple implication: eating well and sleeping well will ground my better service of others, both by empowering me to be more alive for them and to pattern what I want for them, for the sake of their own flourishing.
The beginning of the year is a great opportunity for us to look again at how we take care of ourselves, in view of our deepest principles and our deepest loves. ~ ~ ~
TODAY’S NEW PODCAST is SELF-CARE: INTEGRAL BUT ELUSIVE IN THE HOUSEHOLD. Join John and Sofia in a principled and practical discussion of the importance and challenges of doing self-care right, starting in our home.
Starting to plan for LENT? We’ll be doing special sessions of our online courses Man of the Household and Woman of the Household again this year! More information and Signup HERE.
Husband, father, and professor of Philosophy. LifeCraft springs from one conviction: there is an ancient wisdom about how to live the good life in our homes, with our families; and it is worth our time to hearken to it. Let’s rediscover it together. Learn more.
Thanks
Dear John and Sophia,
I gained so many insights from your conversation on self-care in the household.
Would, could our intellectual life be another pillar of self-care?
This came up sort of at the end of the conversation when you spoke of the education of children. I’m interested what you think?
So grateful,
Dear Teresa, Thank you so much for this great question. Sofia and I have been reflecting on what you ask here–it makes us wish that we had explicitly treated of this! It is so easy to overlook the key importance of cultivating at least some kind of intellectual life. In the division in our podcast discussion, it would most come under the spiritual life; but that said, it is worth a special treatment, as the intellectual life is not identical with even while it ‘overlaps’ with the spiritual life. So often today we don’t think of the ‘life’ of the mind as something that calls for cultivation and indeed a kind of ‘nourishing’ through appropriate reading and reflection. One possible application of this would be to increase the ‘intellectual’ aspect of our spiritual life. The spiritual life of course is not solely an exercise of the intellect. Nonetheless, the spiritual life always has an intellectual aspect, and an essential way of developing the spiritual life is through the practice of ‘intellectual’ consideration and assimilation of the Word of God and the truths of the faith. This is worth more consideration, and we thank you again for asking!
Just throwing out some thoughts in relation to whether the intellectual life might be a form of self-care. (I think it is.) About 25 years ago, I attended a conference for training as a lay counselor at a crisis pregnancy center. The speaker compared the parts of oneself to the 4 legs of a table and that in order for our table (ourselves) to be well-balanced, it would be wise to tend to each of those parts. That always stuck with me because it seemed wise and prudent. Generally speaking, those 4 legs included the physical, spiritual, emotional, and psychological. Imperfect maybe, but I think it’s a start.
At the mention of an intellectual life, one book title that comes to mind is Sertillanges’ The Intellectual Life. It’s a classic.
Thank you, John and Sofia, for all the amazing work you do here!
In Christ,
Melisa
Thank you, Melisa! I too appreciate the lists, normally with 3 or 4 on them. The trick of course is in how each part is defined and understood. So, for instance, in the list of 4 legs here, we ultimately have to think about just where the ‘intellectual’ fits in, as it is involved in at least the spiritual and the psychological. This is no criticism; it is just realizing that we need to unfold each in a reasonable and also flexible way. And thanks for referring to the Sertillanges book–it’s a masterpiece. One simply needs to bear in mind that it’s not geared to ‘normal’ lay people but more to those pursuing an intellectual vocation, and thus would need to be understood in that context. Thanks again!