“When cordially united, a father and sons, or a family of brothers and sisters, may, in almost any state of life, set what is called misfortune at defiance.”
William Cobbett, The Cottage Economy
The other evening we sat down as a family for the first time in a few weeks to read together in the evening. It had been too long.
It gave me occasion to reflect on priorities in my life, and in my household. I thought to myself: surely I can do more to ensure a greater regularity of such times together.
I often come back in my mind to these words from William Cobbett, especially the phrase ‘cordially united’—united in heart. There are different ways or contexts in which families can be cordially united. Cobbett wonders if there is anything so pleasing as when “the laborer, after his return from the toils of a cold winter day, sits with his wife and children round a cheerful fire, while the wind whistles in the chimney and the rain pelts the roof?” But such contexts are no longer common–happening today neither by custom nor even by accident, and indeed can seem difficult to reproduce.
It is incumbent on me to find equivalent practices and contexts, and intentionally to orchestrate their coming about. Regularly. This is in my power.
We tend to become absorbed in the hurly-burly of having so much to do. And meanwhile, this precious time of our life, and in our home—whichever time it is—is passing away.
It is striking, and in my experience almost universally true: what people most remember, and treasure, is simple times with the people they love; at home. We can choose those times now. And being cordially united, we can set what is called misfortune at defiance.
William Cobbett (1763-1835) was an English author, farmer, and social activist. His works include Rural Rides, a kind of Bellocian diary of his travels around England, and the classic Cottage Economy, in which he gives a practical examination of the arts of the household.
Image: Albert Anker (1831-1910), Switzerland.
Husband, father, and professor of Philosophy. LifeCraft springs from one conviction: there is an ancient wisdom about how to live the good life in our homes, with our families; and it is worth our time to hearken to it. Let’s rediscover it together. Learn more.
A superb post!
Thank you, Andrew. I appreciate it.
This. We are attempting to keep those quiet family evenings as a special time, with a purpose of their own rather than as simply a break between busy days. Thank you for the inspiration!
Thank you, Dr. Cuddeback. Your post gave my wife and me a perfect reason to invite our children and grandchildren for dinner.this Sunday.
Ah, that in itself makes it completely worthwhile!
Yup. You nailed it again. The Hurley Burley is brutal.
Amen.
I love the idea of cordial unity, but what strikes me most about this quotation is the ability of a united family to set misfortune at defiance. Families usually are able to steer through bad times because they all pull together. This is seen so often throughout history and in literature. For example, the Ingalls family in the Little House series survived and even thrived because they looked after each other and kept the welfare of the entire family in mind. When that fails or when the family is not intact, the state steps in (sadly because now the church has abdicated or had forcibly removed so much of this role, though not completely) with its indifferent, impersonal charity. And so it grows and impinges upon familial and individual freedom. I’ve noticed from my own observation that almost every time I hear of a person in dire straits, it’s because family support has broken down or, worse yet, never existed in the first place.
I’m so glad that you have focused on that point. I completely agree that therein is a real gem. What incalculable value we have in the power of a unified family. Thanks much.
John, this post is a great reminder for me that tranquility in the household rests on the foundation of presence to one another. The presence of all to one another, undistracted by busyness, has a hidden rejuvenative power, changing prose to poetry. Thank you for all of your posts and helping us implement intentionality into our own households, and identify and embrace an ordered hierarchy of values.
Anthony, Thank you very much for this. Prose to poetry. I really like that. Thanks again.