“…the absent are present, the poor are rich, the weak are strong, and—even more difficult—the dead are alive.”
Cicero, On Friendship
In our times the issue of presence deserves special attention. What constitutes real human presence?
Too often, it seems, those who are present in body are not really present to those around them. We might consider how we can better be-with the people we are with in body.
But here is something different. Cicero suggests that by the power of friendship a person can be present even when absent in body.
The remarkable reality of being present even when absent, through friendship, can help us think more clearly about personal presence in general.
The presence of a friend is effected by the interior dispositions in both of the friends. I am present to you because a) my attention and my will are focused on you, and b) you are aware and feel my attention. And this is so, even when I’m not present in body. Indeed, this is always the essence of personal presence: being-with someone by attention and by a willed love.
When in physical proximity there are bodily signs–including actions we perform, and other actions we do not perform–that embody and express our presence. When not in physical proximity, we can continue and maintain this presence–first and primarily through the same interior dispositions, offered as it were from a distance.
We might reflect on how some technologies can bridge certain distances, but at the same time these technologies might actually hinder a deeper presence: both when we are together and when we are apart.
Friendship gives practice in true presence. To practice one is to practice the other, even at a distance. This is not magic; it’s much better. This is yet another instance of how true friendship, exercised intentionally, unleashes a potent force for human life.
Cicero (106-43 B.C.) is the great Roman statesman, orator, and philosopher.
Image: Albert Anker (Switzerland, 1831-1910)
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Makes me think of letter writing and why it perhaps holds a unique significance even to those who don’t do it often enough (like me!).
We know that the person reading the letter will stop, put everything down, and take the time to read it closely. And when we receive one, we know the sender exercised the same attentive care in writing it.
More than “faster” technologies, it seems to me that letter writing is an activity that most closely channels “presence in absence”.
Peter, I think you make an outstanding point. I really appreciate the notion of ‘channeling’ the presence in absence. This points to how we still look for concrete ways of ‘being in touch’ when we are separated, but there are significant differences between different ways of being in touch. Many thanks.
Bingo, Peter. We also tend to save physical letters and cards, and take them out and look at them again years later (or at least I do). No so with email.
Thank you for this reflection on how those absent can yet remain present. As a young man, I was devoted to my friend, Soren Kierkegaard. Now, as an old man, I am devoted to my friend, Albert Schweitzer. Neither, of course, did I meet but in their words, which spoke intimately to me of the meaning of life and how best to live it. Doesn’t every significant author in the field of the humanities offer himself or herself as a friend to us in this manner? Whether we cultivate that friendship by engaging in an ongoing inner conversation with her or him is up to us. All the more reason IMHO to see the opportunity of education in the humanities as a fundamental human right.
Thanks Newton. It really is remarkable, isn’t it, how the thoughts of a mentor, and thus also the very person of the mentor, can be present with us precisely in how they inform our own thinking.
Thank you, Dr. Cuddeback. This came as an encouragement to me as the semester draws to a close and I know I will be separated from many good friends over the summer. It is beautiful to ponder the ways we can continue to be present and even grow in friendship though we are many miles apart. God bless!
Such separations are a dramatic aspect of our lives. It remains a poignant part of my own experience to see students parting with one another. And yes indeed, there are ways to continue to be present. Thank you Angela.
“The remarkable reality of being present even when absent….”
This almost seems to be a metaphysical concept, no? And I mean that in a good way
I think so indeed!
John, if memory serves, you mention in your book that true friendship leading to happiness is for those who live a certain kind of life, namely, a virtuous life, and friends are united not only in love for one another but in their love of virtue. Do you think that a friend’s presence can be sensed more keenly, despite physical absence, the more virtuous one becomes because it tightens the bond of friendship through one’s love of virtue?
Anthony, This is a great point to raise. There is much to consider. Here are a couple of angles we might consider. First of all, Dietrich von Hildebrand notes that sharing more rich and noble things is the cause of a deeper bond between persons. In other words, the higher the things we share in common, the deeper our connection with one another. Further, the more virtuous we are, the more we are capable of truly loving the other. This sounds trite, but experience bears this out. So the stronger our character, the more capable we are of loving, and it is this true love through which we are most present to one another, even when ‘absent.’ Thank you for bringing this to light, Anthony.
You are a treasure, John Cuddeback. So grateful for your sharing!
Thank you for these very kind words! I’m grateful to have the opportunity to do what I do.