When I was down beside the sea
A wooden spade they gave to me
To dig the sandy shore.
Robert Louis Stevenson, At the Sea-Side
A Child’s Garden of Verses
There is nothing quite like playing alone. To watch it is a privilege. Indeed, in watching one might even participate in the reality. Yet we must tread lightly so as not to disturb it.
Human persons are not made to be alone; but then again, the ability to be alone is somehow essential. We learn something about life. We learn simply to be, and to live, and then ultimately, to live together. One who really knows how to be alone is most capable of being together. It is a paradox.
Some children are more inclined toward it than others. It cannot be forced. But it can be encouraged and cultivated. In them, and in us. Being in a good place, at a good time, perhaps with a simple instrument of some sort—such as a shovel, on the beach.
Sometimes the most important things are right before our eyes, and still within our reach. We can simply reach toward them and take them in hand, time and again.
R.L Stevenson (1850-1894) is the great Scottish author of Treasure Island, Kidnapped, A Child’s Garden of Verses, and other classics.
Husband, father, and professor of Philosophy. LifeCraft springs from one conviction: there is an ancient wisdom about how to live the good life in our homes, with our families; and it is worth our time to hearken to it. Let’s rediscover it together. Learn more.
Short and sweet. I like it.
You know, I have never watched one of your videos. The pleasure is in READING the essay.
I watch my children raising my grandsons and I watch them jam the schedules as full as possible. Our society has come abhor solitude. Solitude is now treated as “screen time.” If not on the device you should be interacting with others.
Maybe this is why hunting and fishing remain popular. They are often solitary activities.
Yes indeed, Dick. And may hunting and fishing live on! … especially with grandparents and grandchildren…
Thank you for this. I am having to learn how to live in solitude now that my husband of 52 years is gone. It’s not easy but it is what God wants me to learn. He has removed all my friends and my closest friend passed to Him this year. I am learning obedience at a high cost.
Dear Barbara, That is indeed a high cost; but the fruits of your obedience, I believe, will be incomparable. May God bless you, and may you find true companionship even in your solitude.
“There is nothing quite like playing alone. To watch it is a privilege.” Yes, it is a great privilege to watch a child at play. I will forever treasure the image of my youngest son (now 9) galloping through the backyard on his stick horse with carefree abandon a couple years back. Wholesome, innocent, imaginative play. A thing of great beauty!
I enjoy your weekly Wednesday reflections. They give me much to ponder.
God bless you and yours,
Melisa
Melisa, Thank you very much. I so agree with what you are saying–memories of our children in their younger days… never to be forgotten.
Thank you for this reflection, Dr. Cuddeback.
As the mother of a son with Aspergers, I do see the value in the fact that Judah prefers to play alone…”in his own little world” as its been described to me.
I can relate to Judah in many ways. As a child, my mother said I would frequently prefer to play alone and I could also sit for hours in my high chair at a restaurant while the adults talked and socialized, just siting and watching them talk. This is not typical, now I know, but I feel a sense of pride in this character trait that I happen to have. It’s funny how I have always been this way, even as a toddler!
I very much like being along and most of the time prefer it. I used to think that I would prefer the single vocation for the rest of my natural life, working for the Church as a teacher in some capacity.
Then, I came to your PHIL of human nature course and all of that changed! You helped me see that the reason I did feel a sense of fundamental emptiness (even though I enjoy spending time alone) was because in my very nature I am meant for “communion.” I am meant for “family.”
Granted I have Judah, but this is not complete…even he senses the incompleteness when he asks why he doesn’t have a daddy. See, his nature, as well as mine, yearns for this familial communion. There is no way around it…it is how we are made and it is beautiful.
Ultimately I think that coming to an understanding of these truths is an exciting first step. Possibly Our Good God is allowing me time to really be ok with being alone…even giving me a personality that enjoys it and even prefers it.
Because like you pointed out in above reflection…only one who really knows how to be alone is capable of being together.
Thank you.
Meagan,
Thank you very much for this beautiful reflection. I think that there is indeed a blessing in your ability to appreciate your time alone. And as you note, it in no way contradicts the natural yearning for communion, but can enhance it. I am sure too that you will learn from Judah, even as he learns from you. Thank you again.
Like praying alone, playing alone can elicit insights possible in no other way.
Yes indeed. Yes indeed.