This title can sound like a joke on my wife. It is not. (More truly it could be a joke on me.) Marriage is at the center of the life-drama of anyone who is married. It is always a fitting place to begin again, to start afresh. Especially in Lent.

A classic principle regarding Lenten practices is to focus on what needs changing in our life. In other words, it is a perfect time to resolve to improve in some area where our hearts need to grow. I do not know a man who would say he loves his wife as he should; as he wants to. This is not surprising, in view of this stunning directive of St. Paul: “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ also loved the Church and delivered himself up for it.”

I think this is one of those lines that on hearing we move forward in a sort of numb shock. In this way it is parallel to when the Christian vocation itself, and even simply the notion of living out true virtue, begins to dawn on us. Can this really be done?

Well, if “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me,” then as a man and a husband the challenge has been laid down. It remains for me to take it up in earnest; to start again; through Christ who strengthens me. But really, what could be more exciting? What more answers to the deepest desires of my heart? And hers.

Thomas Aquinas loves to quote the book of Sirach, and often these lines:
“With three things my spirit is pleased, which are approved before God and men: the concord of brethren, and the love of neighbors, and man and wife that agree well together.” (25:1-2)

That agree well together! Yes, Lord. This ‘agreement’ is much more than just assenting to the same truths. It is a symphony of enacted complementarity. It is a masterpiece of giving way for the sake of unity. It is a heavenly harmony that is only heard by ears in which discipline, restraint, perseverance, self-knowledge, and humility have at length opened them to this incomparable music.

I must focus and choose specific practices. “Let the bridegroom quit his room, and the bride her chamber.” This is serious stuff. Am I ready to take the lead in discerning and enacting such practices? Will I further lead in looking again at our life? I can begin simply by asking: if there is one thing I could do, I one way could be better for you, what is it? …so that I might love you a little more like Christ loves his Church.

…and that you might really, truly experience such a love; and you might then be in a better position really to know how God Himself loves you. And together we might then be a sign of that love, the first of all realities, to all around us–as we are called to be. In marriage.

Now is the acceptable time! No need to blow a trumpet. As once upon a time I asked you to come with me, and to trust me, so now, let us set forth again. I will lead. This Lent. ~ ~ ~

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John Cuddeback

Husband, father, and professor of Philosophy. LifeCraft springs from one conviction: there is an ancient wisdom about how to live the good life in our homes, with our families; and it is worth our time to hearken to it. Let’s rediscover it together. Learn more.