We tend to reflect more on the role of man as father than as husband. Rediscovering husbandry goes hand in hand with rediscovering fatherhood. But wait a moment, you immediately wonder; am I making a play on the word ‘husbandry?’ What am I talking about here?
Let’s be clear: the seeming ambiguity in the term is intrinsic to its usage in English. I suggest that rather than dismissing it, we ask what deeper truth is indicated in what might seem a linguistic quirk. Yet obviously many are not thinking this way. I just found this statement at vocabulary.com: “Husbandry has nothing to do with being a husband, and a lot to do with being a farmer.”
Well, there it is. We’ve removed being a ‘husband’ to a wife from our current usage of ‘husbandry,’ so now when we speak of ‘husbandry’ it’s only about agriculture, not marriage. There is more going on here than meets the eye. In reality what happened first went the other direction: we removed the rich art of ‘husbandry’ from what men do. And the result was and is that both are isolated and impoverished: agriculture lost the aspect of being about ‘husbanding’ the land for the sake of people; and being a married man lost the arts of caring for many concrete things, beginning in the home.
Wendell Berry has pointed this out.
“The word husbandry is the name of a connection. In its original sense, it is the name of the work of a domestic man, a man who has accepted a bondage to the household.”
So much here to consider. Husbandry is connection. When a man marries, the primary ‘connection’ in his life should be to his wife. But this connection is part of a web of connections, a web centered in a home they make together. Indeed, because a man binds himself to his wife, he also binds himself to their common home, their shared place in the world. If we unhinge the man from the broader web of connection then we threaten the original, root connection. And we also threaten the other things that call for and indeed demand a husband’s attention.
Berry offers this characterization of husbandry: “it is the art of keeping tied all the strands in the living network that sustains us.” This might seem abstract and a bit wide of the mark; I think rather it goes to the heart of rediscovering and healing masculinity, or more to the point—to healing men; and marriage; and the home.
A true husband tries to keep tied together many things that need to be kept together. Husbandry is a wonderfully vast enterprise that takes care of people, and so takes care of many ‘things’ in human life. A husband in the fullest sense is a man who has fallen in love with a woman, and then discovers that his love for her calls him to that vast enterprise, an enterprise calling for amazing, concrete applications. Imagine a world in which the concrete arts of life are driven by married love! It is always a matter of love, and love brings things together. A married man discovers that his first love does not narrow his life. Rather, by a deep magic the maturation of that love expands his heart, his vision, and the work of his hands to encompass more than he could have imagined.
In short, the seeming ‘ambiguity’ of the word husband points to a great truth: the arts of taking care of material things (in which the land has a unique but certainly not exclusive place) are closely tied to marriage. Somehow a man’s being a husband to his wife—which again is the foundational commitment—calls him to a broader and deeply embodied husbandry. We can rediscover and rethink this husbandry and how to enact it today–first of all for the sake of our marriages. And then for most everything else too.
The loss of such ‘husbandry’ has caused fragmentation and isolation in the life of men, as well as a corresponding fragmentation and isolation of many things, and more importantly people, that need and deserve to be tied together, especially by husbands. At issue here is far more than the concrete arts of caring for land and things. At issue is what it means to be a man. Every man is to be some kind of father. And being a father demands being a husband, in its amazing richness.
What God hath joined together, we can rediscover. We can ‘husband.’ ~ ~ ~
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Isn’t husbandry to a wife and to the land about fertility and responsibility to care well for the new life? A seed is sewn, and a new life comes to be in both cases, which extends the husband’s care over the new life around him.
Yes, indeed. Thank you for pointing out something that I left in ellipsis but intended to imply in saying “by a deep magic the maturation of that love expands his heart, his vision, and the work of his hands to encompass more than he could have imagined.” I would simply note that husbandry begins even before the sowing of seed, and then is intrinsically ordained toward fruitfulness.
Wow!*
*am a loquacious woman and not at a loss for words, but rather resting in the reflection of your unpacking of this one word – thank you!!!
Pithy analysis of the term, thanks.
Imagine John if every man lived to the fullest your statement from above, society would flourish! This is what all men are called to, sadly only a few know it and understand the richness it brings to their lives and the loved ones who surround them. As always my friend the Wednesday post is outstanding.
A true husband tries to keep tied together many things that need to be kept together. Husbandry is a wonderfully vast enterprise that takes care of people, and so takes care of many ‘things’ in human life. A husband in the fullest sense is a man who has fallen in love with a woman, and then discovers that his love for her calls him to that vast enterprise, an enterprise calling for amazing, concrete applications. Imagine a world in which the concrete arts of life are driven by married love! It is always a matter of love, and love brings things together. A married man discovers that his first love does not narrow his life. Rather, by a deep magic the maturation of that love expands his heart, his vision, and the work of his hands to encompass more than he could have imagined.
I love this article, and learning about husbandry, and word origins in general.
Thank you, and you are very welcome, Katherine, Christian, Teddy, and Amy!
Thank you for your article, which fits in very well with my current work on a book on marriage; it is clear from reviewing a lot of articles on suicide, for example, that one of the greatest contributory factors is the loss of connection between men and those they are no longer close to. Thus there is a rising suicide rate among American construction workers, American servicemen or old men dying alone in Japan and remaining undiscovered for along time, to the point that there is a specialist funeral servicemen. While for different reasons, of overwork or being away from home or retired, there is an increasing “un-connectedness” among men and those to whom they were close.
Clearly, the antidote of “connectedness” has to be examined holistically; and, in terms of forgiveness, of recognizing the reality of being a person, a being-in-relationship, this goes beyond philosophy, as useful as it is, to the need of a religious community. Indeed, perhaps there is more of a relationship between being connected to God in prayer and being able to remain connected to others in our lives than many people realize.
If anyone is interested in this kind of writing, look at my latest book: “The Word in Your Heart: Mary, Youth, and Mental Health”: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Word-Your-Heart-Mental-Health/dp/B0D1NTBBPJ. The book examines the problem of mental health and the help of the word and pilgrimage. And, if you do, kindly help a husband, father of 11, 3 of whom are in heaven, and a writer, by leaving a review or an endorsement on Amazon.
God bless, Francis.
Thank you, Francis! May God bless your work in this much needed area. I completely agree that a community bound by religious ties provides the deeper connection we so desire.
Husband, the adult child in a marriage. Took me a while to sum this up, but most men could care less about what is happening in the marriage, the home, with the children or anything else. It is ALL ABOUT THEM.
I agree with MA in MO. Many husbands are disconnected from their wife. Immature adult males choosing to embrace the worldly seduction instead of embracing their wife and family.
This is certainly far too common, MA and LC, and can be a source of great suffering. May the Lord bless the wives and children in such circumstances, and bring the husband to a change of heart.
Being a husband is one of the greatest things in my life, and it had the additional benefit – through the love and example of my wife – of opening my eyes and ears to God, and a conversion leading me to the Church. What a profound gift!
What a gift, indeed, Daniel. Praise the Lord.
One thing I am struggling with as a husband and spiritual leader of my house, is how to lovingly help my wife follow the duties of a wife as it is explicitly stated in the catechism. If I suggest she is deviating in any way it typically does not go over well. I want to be a loving husband but silence is not love it’s effeminate. I need to be able to face God on judgement day with the confidence that I treated my wife generously and honorably and that I did everything I could to help her get to heaven.
I have the same struggle Kevin. I find solace in knowing that many others have stuggled before me, especially St. Monica. Ultimately we can only be responsible for our own relationship with the Lord and all we can do for our families is pray.
Kevin and Joe, This can be a real challenge. It seems to me that we need to keep asking ourselves and examining ourselves: what in my life and my approach to my wife might be a hindrance to her being able to see and hear the legitimate things I am bringing up. Perhaps there is nothing more we can do; but often, in my experience, there is some way that I need to change that will help this situation. Our role in the marriage, I believe, demands this approach. I also think that Joseph in the comment below has some great insights. Thanks for sharing.
I appreciate the phrasing “keeping tied together many things.” As a recently married man, I have often reflected on how husbandry of sycamores (the prophet Amos’s profession) is the guide for a good husband. Sycamores, which in Hebrew likely refers to a large species of fig trees, can grow wild. When wild, they fruit twice a year and often grow hunched and hobbled by the weight of their upper branches. But a good husband of figs helps shape the trunks of the trees in his care, waters and fertilizes them, and makes them fruitful throughout the year.
This is the role of men in society and in a special way in the family. While the maternal instinct is to care for and nurture small things, to serve as a haven in which the fragile can recover and rest and grow, the paternal role is to identify growth and encourage it. And at times, it is to identify rot and disease and gently cut it out. But this must be done very carefully.
My grandfather was a husband of figs. Once the tree has been cared for years on end, it becomes quite hearty. But when starting to care, it is delicate and small. In helping the trees grow, he would have to prop them up with planks to keep them growing tall, but when they were small, this had to be done very gradually, lest the tiny trunks break.
Husbanding of all kinds requires this gentle but firm hand. The role is not to *make* the beloved grow, but to encourage, support, water, protect from beetles and disease, and occasionally prune to further the innate potential and growth that a good man can readily see. To see this potential requires humility and an intense focus on the other as other. He must strive daily to know his wife and children so that he can support and aid their growth. And it can never be about him. His wife is his helpmate in this, and leaning on her is good, as a tired forester may lean on a tree. But a wise forester will only lean on the parts of a tree that are strong. Young growth will bend and break, not support his weight.
The one thing I am really wrestling with right now, though, is whether it is best to think of the tree being husbanded as the marriage and family itself or as one’s wife and kids more specifically. Or maybe it is both. I’d appreciate any insight you all might have.
Joseph, I love your unfolding of lessons from the husbandry of trees–surely it is God’s plan that we come to such insights about marriage and family in this way. Regarding your question–which I also really like–I am inclined to say that it is both. Individual persons call for being ‘husbanded’ for sure. Marriage and family, and more broadly the ‘household,’ are what the philosophers call a ‘unity of order.’ They are not persons, but they are nonetheless ‘personal’ in a very important way as a special kind of ‘society.’ They too call for husbandry; and indeed to husband these is to husband the persons that constitute them. Being a ‘part’ of such little ‘societies’ is a key aspect of human life, and so our care for these societies is a key aspect of how we take care of those we love.
Perhaps it is because I know precious little about husbandry of trees or the land, or perhaps it is because I have way more work to do in cultivating virtue in myself and setting aside time for regular daily prayer, but I have a lot of trouble trying to apply this general advice (which I think I understand and certainly agree with to the extent I understand it) to the various individual concrete occassions presented by family life. I feel I might benefit a lot from several particular anecdotes/examples from the lives of others.
A particular place where the analogy seems to fall apart for me is in the presence of other wills. If my efforts with a tree fail, the fault is with me either not accounting for some obstacle or opposition to my efforts (actual or potential) or not putting in the necessary work to ensure the success of those efforts. In the case of other persons, there can be other wills directly opposed to your own. I try to direct and plan and execute as I understand best, but there are two constant wrestling matches going on. The first within, wondering if the opposition is just and pointing to some flaw in my own assessment or understanding that needs to be remedied. The second without, trying to have another intellect see the good I see in the way I see it and trying to have another will love that good and seek after it. All of these struggles I feel are not just quantitatively, but qualitatively more difficult than their analogous counterparts. One doesn’t have to wonder if the tree knows better (I understand there’s a place for being an observer of nature, but it’s not usually directly arguing with you). One doesn’t have to convince the tree not to knock down the plank of wood you place for a support or to take up the nutrients from the fertilizer you apply. It seems to me that adding these considerations introduces a level of complexity that the analogy is ill-suited to teach us about (at least within the context of my limited experience with it).
Joel, I deeply appreciate your comment. Here is a thought for you. The main thrust of this piece is how being a ‘husband’ in the primary sense (i.e., in marriage) is deeply connected to and finds expression in a broader kind of ‘husbandry.’ This broader husbandry that extends to ‘things’ is always rooted in the husbandry of people. This point is cognizant of the truth that the husbandry of persons is a much richer and complicated reality than simply dealing with non-rational living things. Nonetheless, part of this deep connection [and this is what you are rightly sensing here] is that a man can learn much about his first husbandry through the broader husbandry. This remains true, however, without in any way reducing the one to the other. All that you say about the greater complexity of dealing with persons is true. But can we not at the same time learn much from the husbandry of lower things, such as patience, docility, taking the long-term view, taking the time really to look carefully and learn? In short, I think that in God’s Providence husbandry of things BOTH prepares a man for the richer husbandry, AND is an expression of the richer husbandry. BUT, the richer husbandry remains a higher and more noble reality. Thanks again for your comment.
Too bad this is all about the superiority of men and their needs, backed up by religious ideas they invented for their own security. Without women, men are very limited, while women without men can manage very well. This includes running a household, holding a job and having children with a brief male encounter of their choosing.
I can understand how you might come to such a conclusion. It is certainly not beyond some men to invent stories for their own security. But in the end I think a loving God, who knows better than us and even can integrate our sinfulness into His Providence, has revealed a plan that is truly all about bringing men and women to a flourishing, together, that none of us could ever have imagined much less achieved alone.