We all want to be seen and approved. Indeed, if we are not seen and approved by someone then we will not only feel but actually be quite alone.

It is understandable, then, that a proverbial human temptation is to seek approval or glory for its own sake. We might think here of how this temptation is fanned today by various common practices of parading what we do before the eyes of others.

I want to reflect briefly on this challenge in relation to life in the household. The great reality of life in the home by its nature tends to be hidden, and this hiddenness often encompasses those who most commit themselves to it. This obviously applies to so many wives and mothers who seem to ‘disappear’ in the extraordinary work of homemaking. Yet it is also worth considering how this can and perhaps should apply more than it usually does to men in the home today.

Life in the home should be an archetype of human life itself. The ‘project’ of household is not to ‘produce’ something. It is to live well, or virtuously, in the most primordial human relationships—those of family. Period. The profound interiority of life in these relationships is the reason for the hiddenness of homelife.

Sure, some features of homelife will be quite exterior and visible. Human life is always in-carnated, en-fleshed. But even so, the essence and focus of life in the home is on things interior or so simple as to be barely ‘visible:’ facial expressions; meeting of eyes; touching of hands; kitchen conversation; eating at table; story-telling; shared work of all kinds; words of encouragement. Prayer.

To make a public display of such things, or carelessly to expose them to broad scrutiny, can threaten their very integrity. We don’t do these things to be seen, or to be noticed. Such would undermine them. We don’t even do them to produce effects. We do them because this is the life we share. It is who we are, and what we want to be.

Somehow, I’m convinced, the very nature of both spousal love and of the love and shared life between parents and children demand a certain hiddenness, as their native, conducive context. Our life in the home can be just such an incomparable masterpiece.

Here the injunction of Pharoah to the Egyptians in time of need might have a providential import for all of us: “Go to Joseph, what he says to you, do.” (Exodus 41:55) The New Testament Joseph, of whom the old was a type, in fact says very little. This very silence might be a key feature of what he is ‘saying to us’ to do.

The silence that encompasses the life of Joseph echoes powerfully through the ages. What was he doing anyway? Whatever it was, he was doing it with the Son of God and His mother. And it encompassed the vast majority of the years the Son of God walked on the earth. Perhaps only through experiencing such a homelife ourselves might we begin to see some of what lay hidden in Nazareth.

Did anyone notice? Was the veil ever lifted? They went about their daily routine, day after day, year after year in complete and total obscurity. But then again, there is obscurity, and there is obscurity.

It makes one think of the great interchange in Man for All Seasons. Sir Thomas More’s suggestion to Richard Rich that he would make a fine teacher elicits the young man’s skepticism. “And if I was, who would know?”

Thomas responds, “You, your pupils, your friends, God. Not a bad public, that.”

Indeed. But Joseph’s public was in one sense even yet more narrow. And just so with so many wives, and husbands too.

Perhaps it is the quiet, ‘hidden’ light that might just burn brightest, and also shine farthest. ~ ~ ~

NEW PODCAST! JOSEPH and THE HIDDEN LIFE IN OUR HOMES. Join Sofia and me in discussing the strikingly beautiful but at times quite painful hiddenness of life in the home, using the amazing lens of the life of Joseph of Nazareth.  ALSO, CHECKOUT SOFIA’S CORNER for all our RESOURCES TO HELP YOU PREPARE FOR AND CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS.

ANNOUNCING OUR LIVE ONLINE READING OF BELLOC’S “A Remaining Christmas” Wednesday December 17th. ALL ARE WELCOME. Information and registration HERE.

Check out our latest Read-Alouds (downloadable as podcasts and on Youtube). We have a great selection of Christmas read alouds too.

John Cuddeback

Husband, father, and professor of Philosophy. LifeCraft springs from one conviction: there is an ancient wisdom about how to live the good life in our homes, with our families; and it is worth our time to hearken to it. Let’s rediscover it together. Learn more.