The Meditations of Marcus Aurelius is rightly well known for its remarkable insights. I am often inspired by its maxims, such as “to be free of passion but yet full of love,” even while I think this and other maxims miss a key truth.

Painting with a broad stroke about thinkers and movements risks oversimplifying both their views and the realities in question. Yet making some basic contrasts can help us think more clearly about principles. As a rule, a ‘Stoic’ approach notes the need to control passions, and the emphasis tends to be on minimizing or removing the passions. A more Aristotelian approach (shared of course by other thinkers too, especially in the Christian tradition), while likewise seeing the danger of passions, emphasizes rather a transformation in the passions themselves.

This latter approach is grounded in the conviction that passions can and should be an integral part of the good, happy life. This approach emphasizes the distinction between well-ordered passions and disordered passions. Thus the project of ‘disciplining’ oneself or others is more an effort to bring order to our passions than to suppress them.

But this said, we must not miss the real common ground between the two approaches. For instance, often Stoic writers powerfully capture the real importance of overcoming disordered passions. For instance, Marcus Aurelius has this to say about dealing with misfortune:

“Does what’s happened keep you from acting with justice, generosity, self-control…? So remember this principle when something threatens to cause you pain: the thing itself was no misfortune at all; to endure it and prevail is great good fortune.”

These words might have been penned by the Christian saint Boethius in his Consolation of Philosophy.

So what of passions and love in the originally quoted maxim? Well I begin by saying that life has taught me to tread extremely carefully here–and this especially but not exclusively regarding marriage. Should my love be free of passion? Whew. This much I have confidence in saying. There is ‘passion’ that fits with true love: indeed that not only fits with it but serves and enhances it. And there is passion that in the long run can undermine and even destroy love.

It is scary to wonder how one can tell the difference. But two convictions here can give hope and direction. First, we need to recognize just how difficult it is really to know the difference between ordered and disordered passions. The trick is especially to see what the truly good passion looks like—or we could say feels like. As is often the case, only those who really know, really know. Put otherwise, it is most when one finally has such passions that one can recognize such passions. To realize this grounds an appropriate humility and caution.

Second, we can bear in mind (or in any case, keep repeating to ourselves!) an amazing principle enunciated by St. Thomas Aquinas on this score. The essential problem and mark of disordered passions is that they disturb our use of reason. To the extent, and precisely to the extent that passions get in the way of our thinking clearly about reality, to that extent they act to undermine our true good.

This is probably a moment where we think: ok, but what exactly am I supposed to do with that? Here I offer a suggestion. Let us ‘sit with it’ a bit. With a spirit of docility toward the wise, we can keep asking (ourselves and others) and reflecting (alone and with others): when and how do my passions disturb my living in the truth? Here is fodder for much discussion between friends, and lovers.

We can rest assured that to the extent we persevere with courage and honesty in such reflections, they will not be in vain. For indeed, to be “full of love” we must empty ourselves of certain passions–perhaps passions we now have but have not yet recognized as problematic or needing reform. In this, Marcus Aurelius has surely seen a great truth. Yet behold, there are also passions–possibly beyond what we have yet really felt–that go hand in hand with true love. And blessed are those who, through perseverance in prayer and discipline, discover and live them. ~ ~ ~

LATEST PODCAST GOODBYES AND GOOD HOMES. Join Sofia and me in discussing how our goodbyes should be an expression of our deepest convictions, and how every day in our home we can cultivate the dispositions that will make our goodbyes—both big and small—all they can be. Find all our podcasts HERE. AND a very warm congraluations and GOODBYE to my dear STUDENTS who graduated this past week!

My NEW BOOK THE INTENTIONAL HOUSEHOLD is NOW AVAILABLE for shipping from Ignatius Press!

Image: Dr. Pozzi at Home, by John Singer Sargent

John Cuddeback

Husband, father, and professor of Philosophy. LifeCraft springs from one conviction: there is an ancient wisdom about how to live the good life in our homes, with our families; and it is worth our time to hearken to it. Let’s rediscover it together. Learn more.