At the heart of relationships between people is hearing. Hearing, says Thomas Aquinas, is how we learn from another person. In the very same vein he says, “Hearing is the way to life.” But there is hearing, and there is hearing. And sometimes we might realize that though we think we are hearing, we really aren’t.
In a recent sermon a priest said something that might seem obvious. While a key aspect of prayer is sharing our heart with God, another key part of prayer is learning to listen—for He wants to share his Heart with us. This hit me very hard. I found myself realizing just how challenging it is really to listen to someone out of a genuine interest in that person. I think this struck me because the priest had just remarked that often we take what we hear simply in relation to ourselves.
In short, we can have an approach of ‘how does this affect me’ rather than ‘what does this really tell me about this person,’ period. In writing this I feel I am writing a platitude, something obvious. Maybe this is just me, but this realization puts all my relationships in a new light. Do I really (and I mean really) take an interest in hearing others? –that is, hearing them in what is by far the most important sense of hearing: hearing for the sake of seeing the other, for the other’s sake.
Am I being scrupulous or too hard on myself? I think not. The point is not that I have been crassly selfish. Rather, the point is that I have a long way to go in learning to listen to people; and the sooner I comprehend that, the sooner I can make resolutions, act, and pray to do better.
A key aspect here will be growing in deeper self-knowledge. Generally, if someone were to ask me ‘are you really hearing me?’, my answer would be an immediate ‘of course I am!’ I see myself as the kind of person who hears. But what if my self-image has kept me from appropriate self-reflection? What if really hearing demands something of me I have not realized and so not done?
Something tells me—no rather, someone is telling me—that I have only just begun to hear, and so also to see (which is what comes of hearing): to hear and see the people that my life is about hearing and seeing.
Hearing is the way to life. And if few are those who find this narrow way, then all the more I should examine myself, and set my heart anew, and pray, Lord, help me really to hear. Starting with those closest to me. You know, Lord, it is what they need and they want; and it is what I need and I want. ~ ~ ~
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Ouch. I needed to hear that this morning. My focus this lent has turned toward self-giving, and you just put a very fine point on it. Thank you.
In the Episcopal Church, the Collect for this 3rd Sunday in Lent includes the language, “We have no power in ourselves to help ourselves.” God points out our shortcomings and our helplessness so that we might turn toward His grace. And keep on keeping on.
Amen, Ellen! Is not life about discovering ever more the heights to which we are called, and then trusting in the Lord that only by His power can we scale them?
Thanks
Very welcome!
Thank you so much for your blog. I’ve enjoyed it for years. Please elaborate/clarify what you are meaning here: “and so also to see (which is what comes of hearing).” I ask because this is the second instance in which I have heard/read this thought, and I do not yet “see” how seeing follows hearing. I appreciate your wisdom.
Thanks for asking a great question, Mitch. Here is a quotation from Thomas Aquinas’s commentary on the Gospel of St. John 6:46, “…in speaking of the Son’s knowledge, he uses the word ‘seen,’ for knowledge which comes through seeing is direct and open, while that which comes through hearing comes through one who has seen.” There is much going on here, but at root I think a key is that the highest form of knowledge is in seeing–seing the truth itself. Hearing in general is a way that what others know (and if they really know it, they ‘see’ it) is shared with us. So this sharing (through hearing) should lead to our seeing. I hope that helps.
The theme of hearing has been coming up a lot for me this Lent, especially silence and hearing God, and the art of listening to what each person has to say. thanks for this reflection!
The thing about hearing/seeing is that once you really “hear” someone then a veil is lifted and you “see” things that were there all the time. But you are seeing not with your eyes but with the heart of God.
Beautiful. Thank you, Mary.
“Listen with the ears of your heart” is St Benedict’s famous line. So not only do I need to engage my ears when listening to my loved ones but I must have an open heart. Let us talk heart to heart with each other and our ears will be attentive to what is being said! If I’m being honest with myself I can always do a better job of listening from the depths of my heart.
A great approach, Ted, and a great point of self-examination. Thank you.