*Special Message, followed by Reflection: Please consider contributing today to our Beginning at Home campaign. See below for a video message from Sofia and me, and Click to help us reach our goal, so we can reach more people with LifeCraft! Thank you!* ~ ~
Those who have suffered much—especially in the loss of loved ones—often find that Christmas renews and even intensifies the suffering. The reason for this is plain. Yet, Hilaire Belloc suggests that Christmas rituals done well are precisely what can make our sufferings more bearable, meaningful, and fruitful.
This is a bold claim that gives a powerful new perspective on the importance of how we celebrate Christmas. For those tempted to back-off from traditional rituals because of their painful associations, this suggests precisely the opposite: standing fast in our rituals, though difficult, is a way of renewing and deepening the bond with loved ones.
Belloc writes:
Not only death (which shakes and rends all that is human in us, creating a monstrous separation and threatening the soul with isolation which destroys)—not only death, but that accompaniment of mortality which is a perpetual series of lesser deaths and is called change, are challenged, chained, and put in their place by unaltered and successive acts of seasonable regard. . .
This description of death, incidentally, is already for me very healing. I appreciate the reminder that even for Christians, in some sense even more so for Christians, death is monstrous. To see this is a first step to dealing with death rightly, as well as to recognizing how significant is the victory over it.
Belloc proceeds to assert that all the deep sufferings of life (he mentions estrangement, misunderstanding between persons, sickness of body and mind, anxiety, honor harassed, and “all the bitterness of living”) can “become part of a large business which may lead to Beatitude.” “For they are all connected in the memory with holy day after holy day, year by year, binding the generations together.”
I find this stunning. Somehow our intentional, persevering observance of the holy season through very concrete rituals—especially at Christmas—highlights, instantiates, and deepens the reality of our shared faith. Of our shared journey. Even now. Perhaps especially now.
This means that no matter where we are in the great story of our life, our celebration of this Christmas is at once an act of solidarity with our past and with our future. All of us are already living in the absence, and so in an altered presence, of deceased loved ones. Most of us will continue to live and experience further loss. This is essential in our life story. And our bold, enduring, and joyful celebration of Christmas is one of the most concrete, powerful expressions and reminders that this living-in-loss is profoundly good.
Loss is real. Were it not real it could not function as the amazing witness and verification of the power of what we believe. This year let us stand boldly in our loss; for it is a sign and even a cause of our gain. Presence, real presence, always has the final word; is the final reality, since once upon a time a Baby was present in a stable.
And we will never stop celebrating this, by our simple traditions year over year—from manger scene to candles, ornaments to carols, gifts to desserts, prayers to games, story-telling to wreathes. Year over year. As preparation and foretaste of endless ages. ~ ~ ~
LIVE READING of Belloc’s essay on Christmas: PLEASE JOIN US, Wednesday Dec 20th at 8:30pm EST! COME ONE AND ALL: ONLINE READING and Discussion. Signup HERE. We’ll send you the short text—though you don’t have to pre-read it. We’ll read it aloud together!
ALSO: NOW DOWNLOAD my READING ALOUD of short Christmas Stories! Enjoy alone or as a family. Now on Spotify! More stories coming for you to listen to this season!
Remember: Sofia has many helps for you to prepare your home and celebrate Christmas at SOFIA’S CORNER. For instance, Sofia’s Advent Calendar Project. CLICK HERE and then scroll down to the bottom of Sofia’s Corner to get your FREE DOWNLOADABLE PDF of this beautiful calendar to color-in! Explanation provided! You will also find downloadable recordings and booklet to help you sing more CHRISTMAS CAROLS this year.
Husband, father, and professor of Philosophy. LifeCraft springs from one conviction: there is an ancient wisdom about how to live the good life in our homes, with our families; and it is worth our time to hearken to it. Let’s rediscover it together. Learn more.
Beautiful and thought-provoking as always, John. I especially loved this line:
“All of us are already living in the absence, and so in an altered presence, of deceased loved ones.” So true. After my brother passed in 2022, my spiritual director reminded me that he is more my brother now than he was in life. This reminds me of that. Also, this whole reflection is testament that death does not have the final victory.
A blessed and peaceful Advent to you and yours,
Melisa
And to you and yours, Melisa. I’m very glad this corresponds with your experience of your brother. Thank you for sharing.
Twice in my life I have dealt with the passing of a family friend and my own father within two weeks of Christmas. There are no words to describe the depths of your loss during that time of year. You spend your days in a malaise trying your best to carry on in your daily routines and resume your normal holiday observances. It can be very trying and difficult to make anything feel normal when you fell overwhelmed with a profound loss at a time of year when you should be celebrating and not mourning. In both cases it was certainly a more somber advent & Christmas season.
Your experience rings very true, Ted. I pray that your ongoing observance of Christmas will be a source of blessing to all involved.
Thanks!
I forwarded this beautiful post to a couple who just suffered the loss of a daughter to whom they had given 42 years of complete care,,,and they were greatly encouraged.
Thank you, Dr. Cuddeback!
Your words “that even for Christians, in some sense even MORE so for Christians, death is monstrous” reminded me of the principle you just taught in the class on The Cardinal Virtues, that what a courageous person BETTER understands about life, is that life is good. (Emphasis mine.)
May God grant even more courage to those who grieve!
Amen, amen! Thank you, Teresa!
Dear John,
Is it the same for people who lost a loved one to suicide? My 28 year old daughter came home from work to find that he took his own life. This is the second Christmas without him. She is Catholic, although not practicing at this point, he was not.
They married in the Church. It’s been devastating for the entire family.
Your article is wonderful. I’m going to share it with all the “nones” in my family.
God Bless and Merry Christmas.
Dear Tracie, Thank you for this very painful question. I want to share something. The second reading at Mass this past Sunday was 1 Thess 5:16. It begins with Rejoice always. This is quite a command; I decided to read the commentary of St. Thomas Aquinas on it. His words are very challenging: “and so Paul says, ‘always rejoice,’ that is, in God, for whatever evil might occur, it is incomparable to the goodness which is God. Hence, no evil ought to interrupt it, and so Paul insists: ‘always rejoice.'” I say this is challenging because, I think, especially for those who are suffering greatly it can simply seem a bridge too far. Here we have occasion to reflect on the profundity of our Christian vocation, of the deep transformation to which we are called.
Now, more specifically to your question: I have a thought. I will note that a good psychological practitioner might well have an angle that I am missing. Might there need to be a kind of purification of memory, and a setting aside of certain things that had been done together? Perhaps. At the same time, I think the deep truth in Belloc’s insight remains even here. The ongoing celebration of Christmas helps us raise our minds in a special way to precisely the truth that Aquinas refers to here: the transcendent goodness, love, and mercy of God. If I may say so, I would think that perhaps this is where others come and gently help your daughter in that celebration; here is where we can really serve one another and stand in solidarity. Perhaps this great suffering in the end helps to turn our thoughts to what really matters this time of year. Maybe that doesn’t happen this year, or next year. But it is something we can pray and work towards, in hope and charity. I join you in prayer. A Merry Christmas to you and your whole family!